I feel like crying or just go under earth…

Clearly it’s not enough that I have to handle all my emotions and thoughts after me and my fiancé breaking up, I have to find someone that can move in to my apartment so Peter can move out because we need some time alone to adapt and figure out our feelings so we can start hang out again as friends without any old feelings biting us in our backhead.  But I’m thinking about to try to live alone and see if I can make it, although I wont have so much money after paying all the bills and rent each month. 

And this summer my income will discontinue ‘cus it’s 2 years since I applied for it (I’m on the sicklist), so I have to apply for it again to continue income. But if I get a decrease I wont afford to live in this appartment alone, so either someone have to move in really quickly (and it’s impossible to find a friend that can and wants to move in here) or I have to move to another appartment, and I can’t take another moving! It will make me fall in to my depression even more, and it’s really really really hard to get a new appartment to rent here…

I can’t handle all this! I try not to fall down even more into the depression, I try to not selfharm, I try to not take more pills than I have to, I try to adapt to this situation and I’m trying really hard to just survive and not letting the lonelyness and the anxiety take over my life and put me in psychiatric ward…